Boundaries
The first time I truly began to understand boundaries was a few years ago sitting in a therapy session with Julian. I was having trouble accepting and implementing a boundary, and his therapist kindly and patiently explained it as a form of treatment and self-care for Julian. That is when everything shifted in my mind. Prior to that, I hadn’t really thought much of boundaries. If anything, I had more of a negative view of them, like it meant cutting people out of your life or that having a boundary meant you were being difficult or weak. That therapy session (and many others since then) helped re-frame my perspective and see the benefits of boundaries.
Truth be told, it can be challenging to set boundaries, especially if you haven’t done it before. It is about learning what you do and don’t want in your life. That is the purpose of boundaries after all, to help you care for yourself. Settings where boundaries can be implemented are with work, finances, people or social media. You can have them for your mental, physical and spiritual health. Boundaries don’t have to be big declarations; they can be small changes that only you know about. Keeping the mindset that having boundaries in your life is a form of self-care has helped me in implementing them in my own life.
One boundary I have with my phone and social media is that I don’t have any notifications turned on. I must open the app(s) to see any messages, tags, snaps, etc. Turning off notifications on my social media apps is generally a small thing, but it has made a big difference in my day to day life. Let’s be honest, it is easy to get lost in social media. I’m guilty of it and still use social media more than I should. However, without getting the notifications on my phone, I’m less likely to get drawn into apps when I’m not expecting it. Sometimes (often times) I miss a Snapchat or am replying to memes hours later, but it’s never the end of the world. By now, my friends know if it is something I need to see, they text me.
Other common settings people have boundaries are with work or friends/family. With work, a boundary might look like not answering emails or calls past a certain time or on weekends. Boundaries with friends and family can be not allowing others to be disrespectful towards you or not engaging in certain topics of conversation around people who are committed to misunderstanding you. It might also look like not sharing your chapstick or personal items or saying “no” to things when you are tired or just don’t want to do something.
As you think about the boundaries you have in your own life or starting to set some, it can be helpful to keep in mind that boundaries are different for everyone. Julian and I have the same or similar boundaries on some things, but on others we differ and that is okay. We are respectful of each other’s boundaries though, regardless of if they are similar or different than our own. Remember, the purpose of a boundary is you deciding and defining what is most important to you and your life and the limits you will and will not accept.
