“They must be bipolar”
“What is wrong with them? They must be bipolar.”
It might surprise you how often this two-sentence statement is used in our society. I’ve heard it growing up in my home, in high school and college, at jobs in the food service industry and office settings, on the CTA, in movies, the list goes on and on.
There’s a lot to unpack in these nine words. Bipolar affects both men and women in equal numbers and approximately 5.7 million people in the United States have been affected just in this past year alone.
The first onset of bipolar disorder symptoms (mania or depression) often come to fruition in a person’s twenties. Research shows that initial depressive episodes in men tends to appear 5 years earlier than in women. This means 22 years old in men and 27 years old in women. This is also true for mania, with the average age-of-onset for men being just shy of 22 and women being 26 years old. Knowing that bipolar can strike male’s earlier than female’s does not mean men will take the initiative to seek treatment. Women are often more open and receptive to seeking therapy and options for medication.
Hearing firsthand how loosely and negatively bipolar is thrown around to describe someone’s behavior kept me silent for most of my life. If someone is angry, changes their mind a lot about things or become erratic, the reasoning according to many people are because this individual is “bipolar”. Which in turn means the person is not well, difficult to be around, can’t be trusted, doesn’t have their life together and only wants to argue.
Reality must supersede the perceptions of society.
There needs to be a shift in societal perceptions and beliefs when it comes to mental health. How society perceives emotions in men and women is hindering constructive, positive conversations around mental health. It is no longer acceptable to assume or think that a man being aggressive is simply because he is a hard-nosed, go getter who takes the bull by the horns and runs on testosterone. To be fair, yes, there are many men who are go getter’s and full of drive, but there are also many men who struggle with aggression and mania related to bipolar.
For a long time, I thought it was normal to approach things with a “me against the world” mentality. Whether it was with school, work or friendships, I would be verbally and mentally aggressive. It was my belief that as a male, showing signs of weakness or vulnerability made me inadequate. Little was I aware that my abrasive and confrontational ways were in part due to my mania that I was unable to control as a result of being bipolar. Now, after being in therapy and taking medication, I know that I can have an ambitious drive to succeed without having to be confrontational, aggressive or inconsiderate of people. Women can have very similar struggles, with the added pressure of not being “lady like”, if they are unapologetic and unwilling to back down are viewed as bitchy and acting outside of societal norms.
To label someone as bipolar without knowing if they are, is not only insensitive and blind to those who are suffering, but it is insulting and hurtful if that individual is bipolar. Or, if a person is in earshot or part of the conversation, they can be hurt or offended as well. I have personally been in these kinds of situations and because of the stigma, I felt it was best to not say anything. I still don’t always have the confidence to speak up in defense of myself or others with bipolar. I keep the pain and anger of such comments inside and hope there will be a day where I will be strong enough to use my voice to speak against those who use bipolar so loosely in any and all environments.
There is still a lot of work to be done in order to end the stigma and stereotypes surrounding mental health and the hurt that is caused when an illness is thrown around so loosely and without thinking. However, it is important to acknowledge the changes that are taking place. More articles are being published every day, there is a growing list of athletes, actors and musicians who are sharing their stories and initiatives and organizations are being established to educate communities about mental health. Our voices are being heard.
