What Living Through a Pandemic has Taught Us
Julian and I filmed a Snapchat on day 8 of Chicago’s “Shelter-At-Home” order and it perfectly illustrated how we were feeling at the beginning of quarantine. I was struggling and ready to be able to see other people again, and Julian was living his best life. The Snap was meant to be funny; I was using a filter that gave me animal ears and made my voice sound like a chipmunk. However, there was also a tone of truth in it. Julian has really been thriving in his quarantine experience. He likes being able to focus on work and being an introvert, limited small talk and interactions with others offers him a sense of comfort. I on the other hand, enjoy chatting with people, miss being able to hug friends and go work at a coffee shop.
Now, as we are on day 88, I look back and think about how far those little chipmunks still had to go in their quarantine journey and may still have to go. Even as Phase 3 is underway in Chicago, there is still a lot of uncertainty on how this pandemic will turn out. During this unprecedented time in our lives, one thing we have both learned is to have more empathy towards one another and show more grace.
Empathy is a term used for the ability to understand other people's feelings as if we were experiencing them ourselves. Overall, I would consider myself a pretty empathetic person. I am able to listen and relate to others’ feelings fairly well. As much as I would love to say I am always amazingly empathetic towards Julian and understand the affects living with Bipolar has on him, that is not always the case. Because I do not have experience with mental illness myself, it is sometimes hard for me to fully grasp what he is going through. There are times, especially when his mood is low, I find myself being very frustrated. It is tough to see someone you love struggling. Despite how much effort I put in or how many silly jokes I attempt to tell, there are times he will give me a smile in return, but the reality is that he still does not feel well. I know it isn’t his fault, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish he would just “snap out of it”. Of course, I know he can’t simply “snap out of”. It is not a switch you can suddenly turn on and off at will. I have come to learn that Bipolar is tough, scary, and like most, if not all mental illnesses, gets a bad rep.
Anyway, back to quarantine, the pandemic and Snapchat. I work from home on a regular basis and would go so far as to say I am home more than the average person. So, when the “Shelter-At-Home” order was put in place, I was surprised how much I found myself struggling. Julian and I are used to being home together in our cozy apartment, so it wasn’t the overwhelming feeling of forced togetherness that was bothering me. I really couldn’t put my finger on it when Julian would ask what was wrong. So much was changing in the world, with work, our day to day routines and running. I felt overwhelmed and anxious much more than usual. In other words, I could not “snap out of it”. This time however, it was Julian who was wishing I would. Even though he was saying and doing all the things that normally make me feel better, it was not working. He didn’t know how to help which caused him to become frustrated. In a way, the tables turned and we both were experiencing how the other felt when struggling.
While we hope there won’t always be a global pandemic to force us into each other’s shoes, another great way to experience empathy is to learn and research about the experience you don’t know about. It can be educating yourself by watching a movie or documentary, reading a book or listening to a podcast. There is so much great content out there. I really encourage all of you to learn as much as you can about a situation you might not know a lot about. More than ever these days, we need to have more empathy and grace for others.
