Sleep + Sleep Apnea
Sleep. It’s one of the most important and necessary things all humans need to survive. Benefits include reduction in stress and improvement of memory. It helps regulate our metabolism and weight, promotes a better mood and most importantly, sleep is essential for brain functioning. Despite knowing this, so many of us do not allow ourselves to reap the benefits of a good night’s rest. While lack of sleep can have an impact on anyone, it can be even more disruptive for those struggling with mental illness.
As far back as elementary school, I can remember having trouble sleeping. I would have constant nightmares – commonly referred to as night terrors – where I would find myself waking up screaming. My heart would be racing, and I was not coherent enough to know where I was until I was finally able to come back to reality. My sleep habits only got worse in high school. Because my nightmares were relentless, I was terrified to close my eyes and sleep; I didn’t want to be taken to a world where I was tortured, followed, killed by someone or something, or at its most extreme, killing myself.
As I got older, throughout my twenties when things were rapidly falling apart mentally, my night terrors began to cause my body to be paralyzed. I would wake up in a panic, except now I couldn’t move; an out of body experience like nothing I had ever experienced before. By my mid-twenties I was only sleeping for 3-4 hours a night. On top of that, this was during the time I worked the graveyard shift as a janitor. It couldn’t have been more fitting and destructive.
Fast forward to October 2019, almost two years of being in therapy and on medication, my sleeping improved some but not completely. Mentally, I was doing better, but physically, something was still wrong. During my yearly checkup with my primary doctor, after explaining my sleep habits, he scheduled me an appointment with a sleep specialist. They ran tests, having me sleep with a monitor that consisted of putting tubes under my nose and sensors on my scalp, temples and chest.
Not surprisingly, my test results showed I never fully slept. More shocking was that I stopped breathing 37 times a minute. Yes, I was only breathing for 23 seconds a minute. This was life threatening – for obvious reason – and they sent a rush request for me to be given a CPAP machine to help my breathing during the night. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea.
Similarly, like mental illness, sleep apnea has its stigmas. Society has a picture of people with sleep apnea as being overweight and of an older demographic. Well, I am proof that these assumptions are false. While I was the youngest, and smallest person in the waiting room of those who were awaiting their sleep test results, it is possible for someone of my age and stature to have sleep apnea. However, unlike being diagnosed with Bipolar, I am not ashamed or embarrassed with this news.
I was issued my CPAP machine in November of 2019 and I couldn’t be happier with the results I have had. While there are still nights when I get less sleep, especially when I am manic, my night terrors are practically non-existent, and I have not woken up paralyzed since. I feel refreshed, clear headed and on most days, I have energy like I’ve never experienced before. My moods are more stabilized and while there are times when I still fluctuate in my weight, through healthy eating, exercise and the addition of sleep, I can sustain being healthy mentally and physically more consistently.
For all of you who have the added struggle of sleeping due to mental illness, I can’t stress enough to do everything you can to find a system that can help you regain a good night’s rest. It is more than life changing. Sleep is lifesaving.
